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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
    Senior Member Level 8 Mark Rosenthal's Avatar
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    Default Joke of the day

    Dear wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
    These last 2 weeks have been hell.

    Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


    Dear Ex-Husband

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

    It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

    After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

    I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

    So take care.

    Signed,
    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

    I hope that's not a problem.


  2. Mark Rosenthal
    I have not been on this forum in years and it wont allow me to delete my outdated old post. If you want to contact me, you can find me on Linkedin at https://www.linkedin.com/in/connectwithmarkrosenthal/

  3. #2
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    Good one Mark! How about this one?

    William: Say Donald, ‘member when we took that fishing trip last summer and your car broke down?

    Donald:: ‘Yeah, what a fiasco that was.

    William: Sure was…and remember how we wound up spending the night at that farm owned by that good-looking, wealthy widow?

    Donald; Sure do.

    William: And remember how we slept in the guest wing of her gigantic house while she slept in her wing – and then in the morning we got our car started and headed up to the lake to go fishing?

    Donald: Yep.

    William: Well here it is, a year later and I got a letter from her lawyer.

    Donald: Oh, really?

    William: Donald, did you by any chance get up in the middle of the night and go visit her?

    Donald: Well, yeah.

    William: And did you use my name instead of telling her yours?

    Donald: Sorry about that….I did. Why do you ask?

    William: Because she just died and left me everything.


  4. #3
    Administrator Level 1 Mike's Avatar
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    hahaha thanks guys, if i get a good joke, i will post it here

  5. #4
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    Medicare Coverage

    The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
    'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
    'Speaking.'
    'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
    'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
    'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
    'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
    'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
    'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
    'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'


  6. #5
    New User Level 0 BabyInsurance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xrac View Post
    Good one Mark! How about this one?
    OMG, Thats too bad!

  7. #6

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    NO-FAULT COVERAGE

    Sam an insurance agent, and Joe a factory worker are driving down the same road. By some unfortunate mishap, the cars slam head-on into each other, head-on. The two men escape any serious injury, but the cars are totaled. Sam immediately says, "Instead of fighting over whose fault it is, and since we both have insurance, why don't we just celebrate being alive?"


    Joe says, "Yeah, good idea!" "I have a bottle of whiskey in the trunk, why don't I pull that out?" suggests Sam. He gives the undamaged bottle to Joe and says, "Here pal, drink some!"


    Frank, being very thirsty, takes the bottle and chugs it half down. He wipes his mouth and hands the bottle over to Sam. "Here, now you have some!" Sam passes the whiskey back and says, "No, I think I'll wait until the police get here."

  8. #7
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    hahaha... 4 great jokes thank you guys

    Driving Insurance

  9. #8
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    hahahah. funny jokes make me fresh

  10. #9
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    nice joke....i really love these type of jokes. never get bored

  11. #10
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    Two old Guys at Wal-Mart

    Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

    The first old guy says to the second guy, ‘Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

    The second old guysays, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.' I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'

    The first old guy says, 'Well, Maybe I can help you find her.. What does she look like?'' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,With red hair,Blue eyes, Long legs, And is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'

    To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours.


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